i undid my seatbelt and clambered from the front seat into the back click clack everything went black and time stopped for a long time a bright golden light shined from somewhere blink blink couldn’t see gasped retched grit coated my dry mouth and tongue tried to swallow couldn’t heartbeat was loud hurt in my head everything was fuzzy tried to move couldn’t nostrils burnt burnt nan nan my panicked cry called out hot dry air surrounded me I sat baking bottom stung small blond scalp burnt under the harsh radiant sun my gaze moved slow motion green car lying upside down in the scrub like a dead turtle desperate yells met my ears nan was in the middle of the dirt road waving frantically at the approaching dust cloud small hand held tight trucking our way along the endless red road would we make it for christmas
This poem is literally all I remember of the car accident that occurred when I was around five years old. The car rolled numerous times, and I apparently escaped without so much as a blemish. I don’t actually know if what I experienced is considered a near death experience, due to the fact that I wasn’t physically harmed, however, I definitely experienced some sort of strange experience, and must of lost consciousness throughout. Thankfully, that day, wasn’t my time to die.
It’s interesting to note that this event was actually lost somewhere deep in my subconscious until well into adulthood, and was unlocked while I was having a massage, and the therapist proceeded to unexpectedly crack my neck! Much to my absolute shock and horror at the time, I experienced immediate fear, dizziness and clear flashbacks, which left me questioning what the hell was going on. The accident was confirmed by my mother, and also explained why I had always experienced neck stiffness and intermittent creaking and cracking. To this day, the memory of that experience and the golden light I saw and sensed, is extremely vivid, and I wanted to reflect here, on my gratitude for the life I may never have had the pleasure of living.
The truth is, that knowing my life very easily could have ended when I was just a young child, makes me extremely grateful for the past fifty years of living. I feel so privileged to have had all the experiences I have ever had as a human being, and the sheer grandeur of life is such a marvel, and never ceases to bring wonder, awe and excitement to my senses.
Call me weird, but I find myself contemplating death from time to time, and believe that without considering death, one can not fully appreciate and make the most of life, in the present moment. The fact that this existence could end at any moment, gives me the perspective that regards every single moment, as one to savour and rejoice.
I completely trust in the protective and provisionary powers of the universe, and just know I am safe, cared for and guided in my journey forward. After all, the 70’s and 80’s were an amazing time to grow up in Australia, and I feel hugely blessed and fortunate to have experienced my childhood, teenage years and all the seasons of my life since. To think I may have missed out on the euphoria of falling in love, the profound nature of becoming a mother, the joy of becoming a Meemaw, the humility of caring for others at their most vulnerable, the exhilaration of reaching my dreams and of learning to rise above the adversities of life, with courage and determination. Not to mention being in awe of the incredible beauty of Mother nature, and the special connections I have treasured with the people who have blessed my journey.
Life continues to amaze, intrigue, challenge and baffle me, and I honestly wouldn’t change any of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Living through the totality of what it means to be human, is such a divine privilege and miraculous and blessed gift.
So many souls leave this earth and never get the opportunity to live a full and meaningful life, and for me, having the opportunity to grow up to finally know and understand myself, and to share this lifetime with others, is the most beautiful and profound gift in my eyes, and for that I am truly grateful.
It has been my mission to find the fullest expression of this gift of life, in order that I best serve my fellow humans, and continue to move boldly toward my highest potential. What a true honour!
Thank you spirit for this gift of life, in all its splendour.
I'm very glad you made it through that also my friend xxx 💚
Ahhh.. so familiar my dear friend! So blessed are we ♥️